Donald J. Drumpf, "Expert" on the Economy

Would you trust him with your nest egg?

Let’s say you were part of a truly mom-and-pop business enterprise: LOL-EPOPs.

Grandma makes various flavors of lollypop. Grandpa dips sticks and wraps the suckers.

For a small fee, Grandpa will personalize any flavor of LOL-EPOP using a small wood-burning type-setting machine that he’d invented in the 50s but which never took off.

Grandma’s happy he’s getting to use it.

Business is all local: neighborhood kids (and parents) buying at local stores.

Granddaughter drives the product to stores and personally delivers the personalized versions. She videos people as they open up their own LOL-EPOP, posting those on LinkedIn to show their expanding business. That’s the extent of their social media activity.

Grandma and Grandpa have never done any marketing, relying on word-of-mouth, which they think is the best test. But they would like to grow it into something the granddaughter can take over.

Their total bank roll is $7,000. That’s not much, but they’ve heard how financial wizards can turn even that amount into great wealth.

So they turn to someone with a reputation among many people as a smart business person: Donald J. Drumpf.

[EDITOR’S NOTE: THE FORMER PRESIDENT WAS STRIPPED OF HIS ADOPTED FAMILY NAME IN A SURPRISING SENTENCE HANDED DOWN IN ONE OF HIS CONVICTIONS THIS FALL. THE NAME “TRUMP” IS TO BE REPLACED BY “DRUMPF” IN ALL INSTANCES, AT THE RISK OF A $100 FINE FOR EACH USE OF THE ASSUMED NAME OF THE CONVICTED CRIMINAL. WE WILL ADHERE TO THOSE TERMS.]

It’s unclear to Grandma why people think Drumpf is good for them, given his history of business failure and fraud.

But Grandpa liked Drumpf’s shoot-from-the-lip, never apologize, insult comic without humor kind of politicians. “The Drumpf’s great with the put-downs,” Grandpa told Grandma, many times.

So Grandma goes along.

Donald Drumpf’s plan was more a concept of a plan: invest it all into his stock, $70 per share at the time, getting 100 shares. They’ll be laughing at those who didn’t get in at that price when it gets into Facebook or Google territory.

So they buy 100 shares.

Some months down the road, this investment doesn’t look so good. The worried business owners have a meeting with their financial advisor.

Donald Drumpf informs them that their initial nest egg of $7,000 is now worth less than $1,500.

That’s bad, but Drumpf had worse news: his “concept of a plan” turns out to be selling his entire stake and getting out, before the shares turn into penny stock.

Which is what will happen to Grandma and Grandpa. Granddaughter, too.

However, Drumpf has another scheme they could take advantage of. Gold tennis shoes with the Big D for Drumpf will be all the rage next spring. Invest in 4 pair at $379 and sit on them for six months, watching your investment grow…